Crossroads

Im at a crossroads, stuck in between. I looked both ways, but you were left unseen. I know from now until the end, you won't be anything more than but a friend. I flashback to the memories in the past, the good old days that flew by too fast. Our friendship grew from the letters that were written and the moments you left me smitten. Honesty is our solemn policy. Our laughter made my heart dance, it left me wondering if i stood a chance. Years of stories, tales, and secrets, will forever be kept our own. Four years later, my heart stays the same, i pitter patter with excitement, the moment i hear your name. Until the one day, you realize you chose me, for now on best friends forever we shall be.

You have My Attention

Its ironic that as always in times of doubt or distrust in our own decisions, that we call upon the Lord. Why is it that in those times we seek Him the most?? I'm growing to have that desire to seek him in times of joy when all around is calm. Sometimes i wonder when i pray, why the Lord wants me to repeat my struggles, my vices, my gratitude..doesn't He already know the desires of my heart?? But i've realized it the same situation when you hear your friend won their championship sports game, but you wait to hear the excitement from them because you know it gives you joy to see them share with you their news! So that analogy helps me to understand better why the Lord desires to hear our daily stories, struggles, wishes, and sorrows. Yes he does already know, but he feels blessed to know we are coming to Him with our needs and appreciation. So again he reminds me in His word to, "Pray at all times, and on every occasion." Ephesians 6:18.
I always find myself wishing i could see a glimpse into the future. In prayer i ask the Lord to reveal a bit of my future to me, so that i can somehow find peace in knowing things will be resolved, that my stress will somehow melt away. I burden myself with too many worries about my life ahead that i sometimes forget to enjoy the present time that im living in. I need to stop being the leader of my life and know that I am being lead by the ultimate Leader. But ive learned that God isn't going to let you see the distant scene. You might as well quit looking for it. He promises a lamp unto our feet, not a crystal ball into the future. We do not need to know what will happen tomorrow. We only need to know he leads! So Lord, in prayer and in life, You Have My Attention!

This I Believe

I have my beliefs and my faith, so why do I choose not to recite it’s teachings at such a great opportunity as this? Because too many of us have lost sight of something so much more fundamental, and so much more exceedingly important:Love. “Let all that you do be in love.” -1st Corinthians 16:14
I call to arms; be the champion of Love. Hold it dear and near and not let it sit on our tongues and become a queer stranger. We need to wrestle it to our bosom. We need to water it and feed it. Let it grow and let it spread to great fields and great forests. We need to let it take to the recesses of our lives so that it may find our refuges and heal us to venture forth again in the name and the spirit of love.
What has happened to common courtesy? Why are we so afraid to extend this touch of Love? I think there is a general fear in people to be vulnerable, and it is destroying us. Fear is the enemy of Love. Courtesies don’t leave you open to wounds. The wounds are caused by this loss of Love.
Why are children not hearing, “goodnight, sleep tight- I love you?” Where are the good night kisses and goodbye hugs? We nurture them for health, longevity and intellect, only without Love they’re ill, doomed and dumbed. Forced to subsist on a life without value or triumph.
What has happened to “love thy neighbor?” We cocoon ourselves with fearful agony. We stand our borders with suspicion, all the while letting gossip and slander poison our souls. Let us unite our divided lives and communities, and therefore unite humanity. Humanity is what we are supposed to be, after all; by definition and action.
We need to learn to Love. Love is an eager teacher. It does not ridicule or bash. It does not grade our performances with a callous hand. Love only stands silently hoping, silently waiting; ready to give us a hand to make a stand. Let us Love. Let us be Loved.

The Letter of Let Go

I want to breathe, I want to let go, I want to move one, I want to love again. The downpour was heavy and im overjoyed its gone. There is so many words i could have said, instead of hello, im happy with goodbye. My heart once again was torn too many times, to many endless nights of tears, exhaustion from the ache, and waisted days. Adoration for me was the least of your concern, nor will it ever be. I often asked myself, was my heart too soft, was my love in vain, was my kiss too weak, were my words too honest, was i too young to be in love? I deserve a love that holds nothing back, a pure, honest, vulnerable yet undeniable love. I want you to see the forever farewell, because im already gone.
Sincerely, The Broken Hearted

A Prayer to Remember...

I fail to remember this verse, daily.

When im angry, i need to remember that love is not. Love is kind, it is patient, it keeps no record of wrongs. It is not rude nor self-seeking.

Humility is a key factor in the act of loving.

Lord, no one else will do, i put my trust in you.

I will remember the blood you shed for us,

I will remember You forgive me daily,

I will remember I belong to you,

I will remember how your word became flesh,

I will remember your sacrificial love,

I will remember how you bring me to my knees,

I will remember your grace, mercy, and forgiveness

Ive realized sometimes, in life, im stripped of things i may not want to let go of, but you still have a plan that ive to see fully unfold, but i grow in my trust in your faithful plan to always provide.

Lord Lead me to your cross, bring me to my knees, and quiet my soul, that i might hear and remember your will. Rid me of myself, i belong to You.

When it Rains..It Pours!

Wow!! Today probably couldn't get much worse! It was Bittersweet, considering it was best friend Kaylee's 20th birthday and yet, over text messaging, lost my job, aka source of income, tonight. So far in the month of January, not much good has come, but i guess i wake up every morning, realizing its a New Day and their will always be a High and Low. My job as a nanny really became a lifestyle, i watched one of the best babies ever to be born! I truly love her with all my heart and appreciated the time i spent with her. 8 months of watching Lillybug grow in learning how to say "Mamaa", in seeing her first teeth come in, watching her learn how to crawl, roll over, and now begin to take her first steps. She loved to sit on my lap and read her favorite book, favorite was "Baby Beluga" as we would sing along! She was such a doll and such a blessing in my life, it kinda felt that after i was let go, i felt like i lost somewhat a daughter. Letting go of people in your life, or moving on from situations that had some stability to your routine is something i always struggle with and im never good at.

I am frustrated with the way that my life is turning out to be so far for this new decade in 2010. I see my friends that live away from home, traveling the globe, experiencing moments they will treasure, and its hard to swallow, when im here feeling stuck in stationary mode, not moving, just watching life pass me by in a way. Today i learned that it was a hard day, it would have been a year to this day January 18, 2010 that i would have been dating my ex-boyfriend for a year. I know im in a better place now, but flashbacks still always linger in my mind. I am learning to find the happiness in the simple things in life, and be grateful for a roof over my head when its raining and a family that loves me even when we go through struggles.

I know that in life, Men will always let you down, but the Lord is faithful and His promises endure!!

Ado(red)

I have always been one to love WEDDINGS :) This past weekend i went with my boyfriend and his precious parents to a Gorgeous smaller wedding for a family friend of theirs in the city of San Ramon in a Gorgeous Vineyard! The day of the wedding i was just stressed and frustrated cuz i was soo unprepared for that day! I get very crabby and upset when things dont exactly go the way i want them to and when im unorganized or uncomfortable or just Hating my outfit haha! So that morning i was running errands galore getting last minute details.. shoes, jewelry ect. After my boyfriend called me numerous times wondering where i was..due to the TIME CRUNCH i was in for a wedding far away, i just starting getting stressed more and more. After finally arriving and getting ready and then leaving. I was just emotional and crabby and i felt bad for acting immature. Once we actually arrived 2 hours later after the LONG ride, we went inside and sat down for the not to mention Catholic Wedding Service. It was different for me to attend the ceremony. All the standing up and reciting was just a different world. Needless to say it was a gorgeous ceremony. We then got to the reception after the in between pit stop to a darling little starbucks in the middle of huge vineyards, i was very much satisfied after my precious boyfriend bought me my Grande Ice Mocha with an extra shot of ESPRESSO and lots of calories with the added Whip Cream :) When we got to the Vineyard where the reception was held it was like walking into a fairy-tale wedding! The spanish style building with a Huge Stone fountain in the middle and lights hanging over the courtyard was just simply elegant! I was just in awe of the beauty and just imagining my DREAM wedding in my head. The food and reception and hours of dancing was a blast! My boyfriend was precious all night long and we had such a wonderful time with is parents and during all the fun i completely forgot why i was so stressed in the first place! It was quality time well spent and i felt truly ADO(RED) by William the entire night and continually had a SMILE graced upon my face the entire time! Will defiantly made me feel PURSUED by him and i was one HAPPY girl!! I can't wait to be a BRIDE someday!! The future is defiantly one big adventure and i am excited for the journey and exploration along the way!